Wednesday, August 27, 2008

"The show must go onnnnnnnnn......"

I just downloaded Pink Floyd's "Is there anybody out there" album. It's the concert version of the The Wall. I also added their "Dark side of the moon" album for good measure. I don't need any drugs to love these albums and especially The Wall. My IPOD is loaded and ready for action. The question is, am I ready for action? The answer, I have no idea but I got 36 hours of time on the trail to figure it out. Between the concert blaring in ear, me pondering the meaning of life and whether or not this race was a good idea I should have it all figured out when it's over.

We left Utah on Saturday and went to Yellowstone for 3 days. With high hopes of seeing a grizzly bear I didn't really work out at all. Bill and I did one 45 minute run around Old Faithful and as a family we hiked and walked a lot. I did all my mini squats and VMO contractions while standing around looking a geysers or sitting in the car. My knee got better and better each day requiring less and less attention. This was a welcomed distraction from the rehab and might just be what the doctor ordered. Given that we were in the car for a number of hours I got to express my lack of confidence in lining up for Teton's. For me I would rather not start if I am not in to finish. I know how my mind operates and if I give myself an out I will take it in the dark moments of a 100M. After 17 100M races I have only bailed once and I didn't like the after effects. During that race my ego and time goals got in the way of a finish and though it was a great learning experience I don't want to repeat it. As I was wallowing in my insecurity, talking about how even if my knee is good to go do I have the fitness to finish it. The circumference of my left quad is 1.25 inches smaller than 4 weeks ago and my right is over .5 inches smaller. I just couldn't resist measuring them because they look so small....where are those jeans I have been dying to fit into to! Anyway, I don't FEEL like I am in good shape but I really have no idea what kind of shape I am in except I am rested! As I babbled on about my lack on mental confidence Alex just couldn't take it anymore and gave me a pep talk or more like a small lecture....funny I heard my own words coming out of his mouth. It is sort of cool in a 12 year old has more confidence I will finish than I. But, it's also sort of sad that I so quickly lost my confidence and mental toughness...such a fleeting mist.....:). For that reason I am writing this entry because I need to be held accountable to finish this race. I can't let my ego, pride, pain, sadness, anger or anything get in the way of a FINISH! They give us 36 hours to tackle this course and that is plenty of time...I can limp if need to but I won't. I refuse to let my son see me give in or quite because I can't reach a time goal or I get bored with walking.

Almost every other day I have gotten a text message from Kris saying something meaningful about me and what I can do and have done in all aspects of my life. Stacey (my pacer for this race) has emailed, called and questioned my plan. Trisha and Susan have been checking in on me regularly hoping for the best. Micheal and his family supported my rehab and said nothing but good stuff for the whole week they visited. Beast is here on his 70th birthday tackling the 50M race and dragging my family up another mountain. Tom and Annie are coming to hang out with us and watch us run the race annnnnd.....he told me not to leg an egg. :) Soooo, besides the fact that my family expects me to finish my friends also expect me to finish. I am sucker for expectations so that gives me another reason to see it through.

Now that I have convinced myself I MUST FINISH and I know all of you who read this will hold me accountable to my words here.....I HAVE to finish. Today I ran 45 minutes and it was almost completely normal. A couple of 30 minute runs left and it's show time! BTW - The air is thin up here but it is beautiful!


  1. You will finish! I know you can...we all know you can. Just do it one step at a time. Don't get ahead of yourself and take a minute to gather yourself if needed. Visualize yourself and your strength in other races, and see yourself crossing the finish line. Remember, you're not running alone. I'll be with you in spirit, as will everyone else who loves and supports you. Cock-a-doodle-do!!!

  2. Be where your feet are each step of the race and embrace ALL the moments! You will finish!

  3. Start with the goal to have a great race.

    If you can't have a great race, enjoy a great run :-)

  4. Add me on to the people with expectations:) Hey, some of us are going for AC100 on no training whatsoever and bummed hip joint, so I AM holding you accountable...if anything, for my own sake:) See you Friday!

  5. Hey coach Ronda,
    Time to just go for a run and
    throw away the darn watch! Enjoy the scenery (you'll have 4 loops in which to do so -- haha). You will finish. This will give you a chance to appreciate the race distance from a slower person's point of view. And once you get back to your normal, healed up, speed demon self, just think about how much you will appreciate having 2 healthy legs once again! This may turn in to being a big motivational boost for you once you heal up. God doesn't give you more than you are able to handle.
    So take this for what it is, get out there, put one foot in front of the other, and you will finish sometime before the 36 hour cutoff.

  6. R

    You will never be even "almost" normal. This is a good thing ;] Your confidence and racing instincts are there. You just took a different path there in the last few weeks than you usually do. As for the weight you've lost...I don't care what type it is going to help you FLY through the mountains. Repeat that. Finish, have a blast, can't wait to hear. A little Beastie Boys..."Cause you can't, you won't and you don't stop!" :] K

  7. Hey Ronda ....Glad your coming to GTR...see ya tomorrow I am getting into the Tetons tonight!!

    I am nervously excited to toe the line...I will be the guy at the line freezing me FL ass off--lol Heard its going to be around 40ish in the am--ahhhh that is soooo cold for me!

    I look forward to meeting you guys, safe travels.

  8. I think it is great that Alex is repeating your words of wisdom back to you. You will finish. Continue to enjoy your vacation!

  9. Congrats Ronda - can't wait to read your race report!!

  10. WOWOWOWOW!! The show sure did go on! Way to go, Ronda. First Female; Third Overall. How awesome is that? Incredible. Those haunting thoughts in the wee hours of the dark morning didn't take you out. I'm so glad. Run On! Alex must be SO proud of Mom!!