Monday, April 5, 2010

One small moment.

Have you ever woken up one day, looked in the mirror and time stands still? You know the feeling, a deja vu, an expression or a moment when everything seems so clear and pure. Today I woke up at my usual time did my usual routine but I had one of the moments. While putting lotion on my leg I noticed my skin wrinkle around my ankles as I rubbed it in. I paused. It was a moment. I rubbed it in some more then sat down. I am young at heart but I am getting older. While sitting there looking at my legs, tan from Hawaii it's as if my skin was talking back at me. It wasn't complaining or making some awful face but rather enlightening me. This is not a post about skin care however I would suggest you where sunscreen. :) Rather it's simply a thought stream. Where did time go? Have I missed anything? I am now 43, have been married for 16 years and my son is already nearing 14. My skin is wrinkling, my hair is over 50% grey but yet I feel like I just got started. I have so many things I want to do yet there have been so many I have already done. How did I not notice the wrinkles on my ankles? The journey is so enriching, frustrating, exhilarating but ultimately it's everything we choose it to be.


I wondered if my entrance in to the world of endurance running has forced me to look at life differently. If all those hours inside my own mind with my own thoughts and the feeling of my own body gave me an opportunity to really understand me. What makes me happy, sad, frustrated, angry but most of all what makes me feel alive. So much that I forget that I am aging! Is there a level of rapid maturity that happens when you have so much time to ponder thoughts? The sharing and understanding you gain from the long trail time with friends. The ones that know you like a book because they spend countless hours watching you go through physical and mental highs and lows. The relaxed feeling of just being you, good and bad is incredibly comforting and satisfying. Can you really be this lucky? Do all those moments add up to a mature individual? For me, I would have to say yes.

There is such a simplicity to life but the complexities of getting it right can be daunting. Today I sat there long enough for Bill to notice the tear in my eye and wandered what on earth could be so troubling. The emotion erupted because of everything but none of it at all troubling. It was a tear of acceptance. A tear of happiness for the opportunity to have so many adventures in such a short period of time. Thankful for it all, good and bad. A tear of true happiness. The wrinkles in my ankle at that moment represented so much. More than I can describe here. They say time flys and whoever said that knew what they were talking about. From my youth of horror, to my crazy 20's where career meant everything, to my 30's when creating family and understanding how to do it all was exhausting, to my 40's where it begins to really gel. I am happy with it all. I wouldn't trade any of my 43 years of experiences because for good or bad it has made this moment perfect. For that moment I got to see it all as clear as day. The feeling on contentment I had at that moment will last. I think it's starting to set in. I wish for everyone to have one of these moments when they look at themselves, their lives and all that surrounds them and feels strong and content. I got a lot out those wrinkles.

11 comments:

  1. Ronda,

    I love being 47. And I love this post! Thank you for putting it all into words for me...for ALL of us out here. Rock on, old lady!

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  2. Wonderfully said, and so true. I look at my gray hair, at my sagging skin, at wrinkles on my face (gasp, I started using cream first time in my life!), I think of my son - all of 19 years old...Gosh, yes, so much to do, life had just started!!! But I am loving 40's, loving that we have lived to gain experiences yet stayed young at heart...who wants those 20's back? May be this is why we are "racing" now, in all definitions, to be able to fulfill all those dreams we thought we had so much time for before now, to squeeze every new vision, every breath full of life...The good news is, we age together with so many of our friends, and for them we (and they) stay the same. Don't change. We don't change, Ronda! And we don't age, we just get wiser and prettier in our own way:)

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  3. A sweet post! It's always good to remember and even better to be thankful!

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  4. I love this post. Absolutely love it :)

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  5. Beautifully written! I like to think of it as changing, not aging. Each stage since college has had its own special place and meaning. It all has made you who you are today! :)

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  6. Beautiful insights, beautifully shared. Thank you.

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  7. Beautiful post! So many people don't "get" the whole endurance thing, but it's clear to me that there is some deep intuition and sensitivity, a search for clarity and spirituality, in people drawn to endurance endeavors, as shown in this post. It's about awareness- of your body, its moods and capabilities, and of your mind- the memories, hopes, and dreams that make each of us unique, and not about going through life trying to dull the senses. That clarity of mind and joy of life is really a beautiful thing. Thanks for sharing!

    Cynthia

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  8. I only have 3 years on you (46) but that insightful experience occurs more often as I age – I relate totally. How rich my life has been with all it’s variety of travels, friendships, family, good, bad,…There is no way I would have believed 20 years ago if someone showed me a crystal ball looking forward to the present time. The only thing I would do different is not place limits on myself (something I instill in my kids) – Wished I discovered Ultras at a younger age.

    I envy you for having such close friends that share your passion for running – I often find myself on an island.

    Awesome post Rooster – May your wrinkles continue to be a reminder of what made you today, and what you do today will be a reflection of tomorrow.

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  9. What a great post. I turned 50 this year and it said to me it said "Hurry up and do stuff before something breaks and you can't do it anymore!"

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  10. Beautiful post...poetic.

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