Have you ever woken up one day, looked in the mirror and time stands still? You know the feeling, a deja vu, an expression or a moment when everything seems so clear and pure. Today I woke up at my usual time did my usual routine but I had one of the moments. While putting lotion on my leg I noticed my skin wrinkle around my ankles as I rubbed it in. I paused. It was a moment. I rubbed it in some more then sat down. I am young at heart but I am getting older. While sitting there looking at my legs, tan from Hawaii it's as if my skin was talking back at me. It wasn't complaining or making some awful face but rather enlightening me. This is not a post about skin care however I would suggest you where sunscreen. :) Rather it's simply a thought stream. Where did time go? Have I missed anything? I am now 43, have been married for 16 years and my son is already nearing 14. My skin is wrinkling, my hair is over 50% grey but yet I feel like I just got started. I have so many things I want to do yet there have been so many I have already done. How did I not notice the wrinkles on my ankles? The journey is so enriching, frustrating, exhilarating but ultimately it's everything we choose it to be.
I wondered if my entrance in to the world of endurance running has forced me to look at life differently. If all those hours inside my own mind with my own thoughts and the feeling of my own body gave me an opportunity to really understand me. What makes me happy, sad, frustrated, angry but most of all what makes me feel alive. So much that I forget that I am aging! Is there a level of rapid maturity that happens when you have so much time to ponder thoughts? The sharing and understanding you gain from the long trail time with friends. The ones that know you like a book because they spend countless hours watching you go through physical and mental highs and lows. The relaxed feeling of just being you, good and bad is incredibly comforting and satisfying. Can you really be this lucky? Do all those moments add up to a mature individual? For me, I would have to say yes.
There is such a simplicity to life but the complexities of getting it right can be daunting. Today I sat there long enough for Bill to notice the tear in my eye and wandered what on earth could be so troubling. The emotion erupted because of everything but none of it at all troubling. It was a tear of acceptance. A tear of happiness for the opportunity to have so many adventures in such a short period of time. Thankful for it all, good and bad. A tear of true happiness. The wrinkles in my ankle at that moment represented so much. More than I can describe here. They say time flys and whoever said that knew what they were talking about. From my youth of horror, to my crazy 20's where career meant everything, to my 30's when creating family and understanding how to do it all was exhausting, to my 40's where it begins to really gel. I am happy with it all. I wouldn't trade any of my 43 years of experiences because for good or bad it has made this moment perfect. For that moment I got to see it all as clear as day. The feeling on contentment I had at that moment will last. I think it's starting to set in. I wish for everyone to have one of these moments when they look at themselves, their lives and all that surrounds them and feels strong and content. I got a lot out those wrinkles.